ALIVE Community Dialogues End Polygamy’s Pain

When Eunice Apiny Okeng married her husband, James, in 2016, she stepped into a complex household.

James Okeng, a resident of Akong-Atar B Village, Iceme Sub- County in Oyam District was in multiple relationships with other women, and Eunice found herself shouldering the burden of caring not only for her own children, but also for many others from his different partners.

“At the time, James had little in terms of resources. I took the initiative to start farming and even took loans to make ends meet. From our produce, we paid school fees and clothed the children,” Eunice recalls.

Despite the heavy responsibilities, Eunice remained strong, even though her marriage was far from easy. “James was an infidel,” she says candidly. “He never used to care much about us. He would be away from home for a week or more, and his attention was scattered.”

While she personally only experienced physical violence from him once, Eunice was aware that some of his other partners left due to his violent behavior. The emotional toll of being the so-called “first wife” and sharing everything including gardens and resources with her co-wives has been deeply taxing.

But things began to change when James started attending a 10- week community dialogues, organized by Foundation for Inclusive Community Help (FICH) in collaboration with UWEZO Uganda. The dialogue provided practical ways to parents to solve their own problems as well as develop their children’s problem-solving skills.

“The difference is visible,” Eunice says with a hopeful tone. “Now he comes home more often. Sometimes he is away only for a day or two. He has started buying essentials for the children, like mattresses, and even pays PTA fees and morning remedials.”

The training, she believes, has helped James begin to take real responsibility for his family. “If I talk to him about the children now, he listens, he understands. That was never the case before,” she adds.

Eunice strongly believes the training should continue and reach even more men. “If others can access this kind of awareness, families will change. Communities will grow stronger.”

She also has a message for men: “If you want to be respected, loved, and cared for, marry one wife. With many wives, you loose their trust—and their love. To be honest, I do not love my husband.” Her words reflect the deep emotional strain caused by polygamy, especially when the responsibility is unevenly distributed.

Despite the challenges, Eunice is hopeful. She thanks FICH for bringing peace to families and for helping women and men alike grow in mutual respect and understanding.

“Now we can speak to our husbands and raise our children better,” she says. “This initiative has brought positive change to our community.”