How a 10-Week Dialogue Transformed a Father’s Rule in Oyam District

In a small household in Akaoidebe “A” Cell, Central Ward, Loro Town Council in Oyam District, a father’s authoritarian rule had cast a dark shadow over the lives of his six children.

Sos Peter Obete’s word was law, and any mistake was met with severe punishment. As a result, the children lived in fear, avoiding their father whenever possible. When he was inside the house, the children would all scatter outside, only to rush back in when he stepped out.

But all of that changed when the father attended a 10-week parental dialogue programme, focusing on problem-solving skills and effective parenting, and the value of respect.

The ongoing Learning Journey with Schools –Whole School Approach programme implemented by Foundation for Inclusive Community Help (FICH) in collaboration with Luigi Giussani Foundation (LGF).

As Obete learnt to listen, to empathise, and to understand, his approach to parenting underwent a radical transformation.

“I used to advise people but I didn’t accept any advice from anybody. I was always the boss and I used not to listen to anyone. The component of effective parenting which we were taken through during the 10-week dialogues has really opened my eyes. I used to think that I was doing the right things, yet to the contrary I was leading my family astray,” Obete says. 

He adds: “As I speak now, I’ve started practicing the skills I have acquired from the dialogues and now my children have started enjoying my parenting styles. Right now, I involve my entire family in decision making because at the end of the day such decisions affect them. I have started staying so close to my children and my wife. In those days when I was sitting inside the house, children would be seated outside. If I came out, the children would all enter the house.”

Interestingly, mistakes, once punishable offences at this family, are now treated as learning opportunities. The father encourages his children to take risks, to experiment, and to learn from their errors. He listens to their perspectives, validating their feelings and offering guidance.

“The children have started wondering what is behind this change. There was a day my wife told me that ‘I want to be very honest with you. Your children do not respect you. Instead, they fear you. They love you so much but I feel if you continue in that direction they will no longer respect you.’”

Obete’s wife is named Margaret. 

The children, once cowed by fear, now thrive in an atmosphere of openness and trust. Obete says they share their thoughts, dreams and fears with him, adding that he responds with empathy and understanding.

“Right now, I have decided not to be punishing my children. The mistakes, once punishable offences, have now become learning opportunities.  Right now, the children also make decisions which help in the development of the family,” says the father.

As the father reflects on his journey, he is filled with gratitude for the programme that changed him. “I was very blind to the damage I was causing. I was always the boss,” he admits. “But now, I see my children as individuals, with their own strengths and weaknesses. I’m learning alongside them, and it’s the most rewarding experience of my life.”

The household, once a place of fear and tension, is now filled with laughter, with conversation, and with love.